my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
