listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
