im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
