i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
