if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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