A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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