Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
