I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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