my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
