sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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