Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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