I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
