Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
