DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize
