he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
is it fun? or sober?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
