somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
