i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize