Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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