Dual....:-)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
