Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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