Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
