jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
