I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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