i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
