You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize