found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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