i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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