If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
