a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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