is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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