Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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