Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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