Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
