All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
