and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
