woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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