My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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