all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
