Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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