Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
