You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Found your dick twin last night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
