what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
