I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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