No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
