It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
