dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
