She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize