I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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