Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
