Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
false alarm. still invincible.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
