I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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