Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
