How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
