I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
where are you?
Hypothermia
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
