Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
