i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
