it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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