Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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