Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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