I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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