i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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