I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize