we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
