he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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