Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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