It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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