I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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