I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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