Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
