Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
