Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
