My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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