3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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