You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
