I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
