Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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