I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
