pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
