Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the day after is always just damage control
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
