every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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