Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
