My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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