Sry I called you an 8
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
