someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
