i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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